Tribute

When I think of all of the things I have done in my life… when I really stop to think about specific memories of all the different types of experiences I’ve had over the many years -- ASIDE from all of the health horror stories and relationships gone bad -- all I can think is THANK GOD.  Thank God that something in my soul had the wildness of spirit and lust for adventure that made me determined to live life to the fullest in every way that I could from such a young age. My motto was that I wanted to experience everything life had to offer. And so I did… every opportunity I got.

I have climbed the muddy hills of The Badlands at sunset, racing the night and the storm.

I breathed underwater while swimming the depths of the Gulf, glimpsing the ever-elusive and gigantic Pacific manta ray gliding overhead, and then almost got swept away by the surge.

I have skied the slopes of Switzerland and watched the sun rise over the Alps, slowly disappearing the morning star each day as our train wound its way down the mountains to our little Swiss school where we would eat our lunch of fresh French bread, cheese, and fruit while we watched the swans glide across the glistening lake.

I have followed the path of a guru, studying the words of the ancients and learning the poses that bring peace.

I have mesmerized an entire classroom full of hurt and broken and angry at-risk high school students all at once with laughter, with tears, with inspiration, with determination.

I have seen the exquisite and majestic beauty that can come from just a single spot on a single bloom… have been caught off-guard by a divine fragrance on countless occasions, always stopping to wonder which flower or bush it came from before closing my eyes and breathing deeply while I chuckle and appreciate the way nature can just reach out and grab my attention out of nowhere.

I have known great love.  And I have known great loss.  And known great love again. And I can remember the many moments in the very beginning that made me so quietly certain, so very certain, that this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I have climbed countless mountains, hiked countless trails, camped in the wilderness with nothing but a gallon of water, with a loaf of bread, with a can of chili, a flint, a blanket, and two best buds, huddling together in the night for warmth.

I have scored points as a roller derby jammer, leaving a trail of fallen players behind me.

I have felt the unbridled power that can be called forth by chanting and holding beads with a hundred other believers.  

Have felt the magic of harmonizing so purely and sweetly into microphones or cathedrals with thirteen other solo singers.

I’ve sat in the shady dens of the drug users, succumbing to the seductive sensations in my body and pretending that the outside world does not exist.

I have breathed in the fresh morning air of the Joshua Tree deserts, felt the scorching sun on my skin later that day, seen the oasis from far away.

I've tamed a wild colt with my stillness, moment by moment, breath by breath, over the course of one amazing summer.

I have trained for triathlons and half-marathons (even if I never made it to the big races).  I’ve lifted dead-weights and seen just how far and how fast my body will take me.

I have walked into a bar full of men on more that one occasion and “owned” it, knowing that each of them is tracking my every move.  I know what it’s like to scan the room and simply decide who I’m going to go home with.  I’ve felt the hot gaze of the man walking behind me, unable to take his eyes off my ass as I strut down the hall.

And I’ve had some amazing sex… on many many occasions.  And I mean REALLY. Amazing. Sex.

I’ve surfed the waves that crash on the coasts of Mexico, I've swam the moonlit shores of Hawaii, and I’ve slalomed the wakes on the lakes of Oregon.

As a young child, I have cooed a baby lamb to sleep in my lap, and as an old farmer, I have watched a newborn lamb take its first steps, all damp in blood and afterbirth.

I’ve floated boats through, ridden mules through, zipped lines through, and driven cars on “heinous” tiny roads through the mighty jungles of the Yucatan.  Watched the monkeys swing from tree to tree oh-so-early in the morning (stretch!), stood amid the pyramids and pieces of ancient civilizations long gone.

I’ve climbed every step of the Eiffel Tower.  And the Space Needle. And La Sagrada Familia.  And Tibidabo. And Chichen-Itza.

I’ve gambled in Vegas and won.  Have also gambled and lost.

I have rocked unsettled infants to sleep, feeling the soft tops of the precious heads resting so gently against my cheek. Have chased tag and hidden rocks with those same infants after they've grown a few years, stealing pieces of my heart as they go.

…and today all I can think is thank God.  Thank God something in me decided to really LIVE instead of letting life pass me by.  Or maybe I should thank myself instead. As I lie here in my prison bed, unable to move, taking inventory of all the individual aches and pains throughout my body, I frequently reassure myself that if I were to die today, I WILL have lived a full life.  And I am satisfied.

As the stabbing in my hip breaks my attention... I am thankful for all of the memories that have taken me away from it for this long.

Then I suddenly realize… that even if my body and mind are broken… that my spirit has not changed.  That I still have that fire inside of me, wanting to greedily eat up everything life has to offer. And I wait for the days that it can spark it’s flame.

What will YOU do with all of your tomorrows…. before they run out?